What is Ginaration? It's about me, living with single mama drama, passion Autism/bullying-daughter w/Aspergers, 17, son 18. Spiritual, mental, physical and financial growth (no one should struggle) I'd like utilizing love as my guide along the way. Doing this with laughter, too.If you are wanting to change lives as well for a greater future, join me and put on your seeking glasses. Life waits for no one. And I'm not waiting on it anymore.
Forgive To Live - Let's Love the Hurt of of the Bully or Whoever's Hurting
FORGIVE AND LOVE TO LIVE
FORGIVE AND LOVE TO LIVE
You know, while I have been on this journey of re-learning, so to speak, I have found that somehow, the answers that one seeks, come along as they may, at their own will, rather if i must say, at the Universe's will. The main lesson that I can write to you is that one must remember to be quiet enough to hear the answer when it does come. Either way, fighting and struggling to get the answers most often isn't the best way. Being still usually is. I am not saying give up but rather wait in a way that is known that you need answers, but step back and humbly seek them, with you passion kindling beneath the surface (so that you don't miss something either way). I guess I'm trying to say while being quiet, you can still be vigilant. The key is to stay calm while doing so. The answers you seek will come at the darnedest of times and it's especially true what they say, answers come when they are least expected, when you are in a state of clear minded focus, but not placing too much pressure on what it is you are seeking. During this period of yes, you may be filled with sheer plain human anxieties and stress-not wanting to wait, again be still. Most of the time, I have found, they come from those who really love and care for you. I just needed to take the time to listen, be still and figure out where to find the answers. This time, it was my daughter, again.
I have been having the hardest trouble with figuring out how to approach http://www.tweet4autism.com/. I always seemed to come up with these grandiose ideas, even one with a trip to Las Vegas for ten winners! Crazy and too much. Like if I could, how would I have enough staff to handle such a venture! Where I used to work in the entertainment industry (for almost thirty years), the task would have been was easier - I don't work there or anywhere, anymore. That's another story. Funny, by being still, I'm also finding that my writing and creative talents are coming back, part of the of the dreams I had in childhood - one was to be a writer. Anyway, back to the subect at hand, I'm only one person, trying to figure out my message across or several messages (with me, ideas come in droves) but I really just needed less confusion and one basic message that would tell people that I'm on a journey but this one was about advocating for my daughter withing this journey for myself, rekindling my spirit as well. I believe the answers were there, already waiting on me but like I said, I wasn't being still and although my guide is walking in love, to a certain extent (and here comes the honesty), I was thinking that I could do everthing, quickly. I think it's just we'd been through so much as well, that I sometimes got confused as well as even angry at times remembering the things that we done to my family. It made me lose time. Time lost can energy gained to catch up and try to do what you can with the love inside and the skills and knowledge gained along the way. I knew I wanted things to change for others and I want people to learn from what my family had been through. I'll get into that later. For now, my view of autism and bullying, in a world filled with others that are fighting to do the get their messages across, I wanted to get a good message that was as sincere and honest as one could be. I wanted to encompass that yes, while I am seeking being true to me which I have learned it will make me a better me, I also wanted to be that mom, that activist and advocate (justice for all). I had been sending my ideas to various people and I hope they don't think I'm crazy, because I am (not) with all of the over-the-top, over-cooked and not well thought out ideas until one day I just said, I'm tired. In as much as I want to make sure my legacy is clear, I was exhausted. Finally, I had to breathe. I did and sure enough, the answer came running up the stairs one day in the form of this beautiful person, my daughter.
Yes, a few weeks ago, my daughter comes running up the stairs saying, mom, I hope you are sitting down, if not, you need to. I was all excited to hear her news and it was big. She said, mom, I saw so and so, the girl who bullied me in the sixth grade. In my prior story, I spoke of the girl who bullied my daughter or who was the main bully in her sixth grade graduating year. She said, but guess what mom, the girl said my name isn't let's call her L., she said her name is Rebecca and this Rebecca person said she didn't bully Aja (my daughter) but that she was her couisin. Aja, who doesn't forget a face, especially not the girl who'd bullied her for an entire year and brought along most of the sixth grade with her while she did her reign of terrorizing, couldn't believe that it wasn't L, the bully. Aja told me she told Rebecca who we will find out a week later that she really was her bully(really L). about the story of how her life was made into a living daily nightmare. Well, "Rebecca" really the bully, listened to Aja's story intently and my daughter said that Rebecca went to all of her friends standing nearby and told them the story. Aja walked away but since she also has a pair of the most fantastic ears ever (I think she can hear as well as Rocket, our dog). Aja told of how scared she was inside, how she cried many nights and how she wished that she didn't have to go to school with her. She said thankfully, my mom took me out of school and I spent the entire rest of the semester with my mom at home. Anyway, Aja said she could of sworn it was her bully, L but she said oh well, I guess it was her cousin, and we both were tired so we went to sleep. However, in the back of my mind, I wanted to call her school, where this meeting took place. I also wondered what in the world my daughter's bully would be going to the same school as Aja. It slipped my mind and I guess that's the way the Universe wanted it. At the time, my daughter said she really hoped it was L. Her heart was beating so hard, she said but she also said, she wasn't scared this time. She said if it had been L,her bully, she would have been the same, passionate way. I told her don't worry honey, I'm right here and I hugged her and she said she was fine. I was going to call the school the next day, but like I said the all in due time...
A week later, Aja comes bounding up the stairs again as if I were seeing a re-run of the week before. She makes me laugh when she does this because it's like my seventeen year old back in third grade. I can hear and literally feel the joy in her voice because she's trying to talk so fast and run at the same time that the words barely come out! I feel so much love (yeah, I know, it's a mom thing) - okay, moving right along here. This time though, she said she was much more animated, much more excited. I said Aja, what's going on and she proceeded to tell me that that the girl that she said was her bully, actually was! The girl who said she was Rebecca lied. The supposed "cousin" was really L, the bully! I almost choked on the soda I was drinking! Aja just believed her because her hair was changed and she hadn't seen her in years, aside being in her nightmares. At school that day, L, "cousin Rebecca" really her bully, L. asked to see Aja. She pulled her to the side and told her that she felt so bad, she said that what she did her was the stupidest thing she ever did. L began to cry and Aja couldn't think of anything to do but to reach out and hug her. It's very interesting this time because Aja was not the least bit scared. She had been, but not anymore. Perhpas my daughter's gained education, self-esteem and teaching about forgiveness and love at home had paid off. I inquired, "Aja, you didn't ask her why she picked on you?" She said no mom, I don't care anymore. Aja said, mom, I forgave her and told her okay, so now that this is finally over, can we be friends? Aja told me that L looked at her face and since she stopped crying, she thought that that question was appropriate. I cried because I knew that Aja was on her way to being healed and she is growing up when she said those words. I think my hand was shaking by the time she finished. I'm telling you, the tears were welling up in my eyes. I'm such a cry baby!
You see, Aja, being autistic, is beginning to recognize the little nuances that say I get the social cues that are so hard sometimes for autistics to comprehend/understand as we say "neaurotypicals" do. Autistics have a harder time with things "emotions" like what to do next if someone is crying like her bully was and reading the expression on her face. And rather than just understanding, she is "feeling" the feelings that others feel. She said, mom, I felt bad for her but at the same time, I felt myself get all warm inside. I just felt like I needed to hug her. This was so huge! Aja had just turned seventeen this month as well. I'm ecstatic. Not a few months prior, her social worker said, she has the mind of an eight year old. I couldn't believe she said that! I knew she was wrong and so did everyone else. That social worker is no longer at the school anyway because the school requested her not to be there, I found out later. There's a back story to this, I'll explain later. We need better social workers and I knew that Aja was way ahead of what that comment said of her. Guess that's one reason why she no longer works at the school. They felt the same way. Not only has Aja made one friend, she'd made two and also felt and could articulate feelings, not just acting things out. Yes, she felt awkward, but she also knew instinctively what to do. This tells me that my Aja is not only growing up but my one on one teaching is paying off. Aja made a friend the during the first week of February, during her birthday month and then she forgave an enemy, and made a new friend as well. I am in awe of her!
I learned so many lessons these past few weeks. First, that spending the time with my daughter has paid off in ways that only a mother with a daughter who has autism or another "doability" could understand. She has begun to see and "feel" things although I knew she could always feel things, she couldn't articulate them. She can now. She can also "see" what feelings mean to others, which is a difficult nuance of social behaviour for an autistic person to act out and/or speak of. After seven years of my daughter always speakingg of "being scared" to see her bully if she ever saw her, she wasn't. Aja also said she said she never wanted to see L in her life again. However, I taught my daughter what forgiveness means as well as what a 'gut' feeling feels like. Actually, I believe she has seen me forgive so many times and then talk about it, that she is grasping it. One can not teach a child without actually doing that action or seeing the action take place, so imagine how hard it must be for a person that has autism to grasp "feelings". Another lesson, actions speak volumes louder than words! I also talk about love because I tell her daily that I love her. I do not forget. I believe that day that the day that she spoke to her bully, both love and forgiveness were present. Needless to say, I'm grateful that she is growing up and that I am not as afraid to leave her an aisle away in the grocery store. I'm not scared to leave a couple of aisles because it's clear to me that she has listened to what I have always taught her. She's almost eighteen. College is around the corner! When she's away from me, I tell her to listen to what her gut tells her. I told her her heart is her gut. If the feelings she feels are not good for someone, walk away. Or keep her distance. If she can't "read" them, be cautious. If she gets a good feeling, still be cautious but cautiously optimistic and watchful. If it's clear cut danger, like the time we were over a friends home having Thanksgiving Dinner and a man walked in and immediately the hairs on the back of my neck rose. As quickly as I felt those feelings, apparently so did Aja. She came quickly to me (this was around age twelve) and said to me, mom, I felt as if that man was going to eat me (meaning hurt her - back then her speech was much more animated, she spoke to me many times in terms of how animals would if they could speak to their children). It's clear that the things that she is being taught is paying off and it was then, too. I am grateful to life lessons teaching me the things I've learned. Hard earned but not unrewarded. Being a single parent, being alone a lot has taught me to be self reliant and not always being able to pick up the phone and call a friend. So, I call upon my higher power. It has paid off in more ways than one. Always listen to that still place in your heart, it doesn't matter what you're doing.
So, I hope this helps you. I know this helped me. My head is now not in the clouds. My dreams are, though. I will always be a dreamer. A thinker. A creator. I'm made in the likeness of all that surrounds me. I'm like you and you are like me. We are human and are capable to so much.
And so by my daughter forgiving her bully, I am not directed to say that bullying can only be fully cured by love. It's how you forgive yourself for being angry at the bully and the bully being angry at you! The earlier you do this, the earlier the bully can possibly go on and be a cooperative member of society. I wonder how long that Aja's bully felt shameful. Guilty. That time could have been saved had perhaps me or someone else come along earlier and said, hey, are you okay? I recall that I did try that once (I asked the father could I speak to his daughter and he did give me permission, however, when I said that in a meeting, he siad he didn't give me that permission). I grew up with the father of the daughter that bullied my Aja Face). Anyway, that's over now. We are on our way to being healed and I have my answer on how to to move forward in my journey to keep my promises. And by the way, now I know what tweet4autism.com and tweet4autism's message will be. It will begin with trying to educate others on the power of forgiveness. This message will be my platform when it comes to this particular cause. I know my direction now. Yes, perhaps you can teach your bully about love. Before it gets to far, talk to your parents (if your are someone younger reading this) but parents and caregivers, try to forgive your child's bully. And the parent and others who are against against you (in my case, they really were). Ask them to see about helping the person that is doing the bullying. Seek out ally's to intevene who this child is doing this to in order to be able to intervene sooner. Be observant, but still. If you are person being bullied, you have to reach out to someone to help you. I know it's scary. But be strong and the Universe will help you do the rest. You can't do anything alone, really. Well, anything that that hs to do with a bully. You need help. We as a community needs to help the bully so we can help to hydrate their souls to become and be who they wish to be and not be hampered by evilness and having poor self-esteem because they feel if they don't go along with the other bullies, they will be bullied. One is strong if they can stand against the tide and hold firm without the weight of the water knockign them down. However, you need the power of love and the help of others to make this possible. It could be that the bully is hurting worse than the one he or she is hurting. I want our message to be about loving thy neighbor. Of course, if you see that the bully is beyond help, that's a different story (like the one who tried to assault my daughter by smothering her in the second grade). But, if there is one you see that can be helped, perhaps it's up to the parents and their children to surround that bully with love (as well as the teachers and other people that are supposed to help "love the hate" out of the bully. That's our message. That's Ginaration's message. It always has been and now, it's morphed itself to my daughter. Do you think it's possible that it will morph to others as well? I'm counting on it. And remember, the bully could be the parents. Where do you think the bully could be learning their behaviour? It could just be possible it's the from their home. It's quite possible because the parents bullied me of the child who bullied Aja. Sad but true.
The major lesson in all of this is that like I said, I learned even more so to remember to be still and remember that love is my guide, always. I want my message to be clear, I also want others to know how I arrived there. Now I know that my message will be to forgive to live. It's in the forgiving of others, that we let go and learn to live. We let go of the anger, the fear, of everything that holds us back from realizing our dreams. one of my dreams is to change the world of autism, for others to begin to see them for the true beautiful beings that they are. The wonderful gifts they have to give, just like everyone else. We live in this world with a big, beautiful planet and there's room in it for lots of people! There's enough room for many people to live on this planet with us, together, in peace. If we want to call them different, we should look at ourselves. We all have differences, it doesn't mean that we can't give to society. You know, the bully and the autistic can kind of be the same. People look at them as being a certain way, both of them. But if you uncover what is really lurking underneath, you just may uncover that the person needs love just like we all do. And by giving that back to them, it may just change their world. That is what tweet4autism is all about. We want to get the message out to forgive the bully. Look at the autistic with eyes of love. You may be surprised what you may see. I personally, have seen so much love in one child, that things will never be the same (for the better). If she's different, so what. It's okay. She gives me more love than anyone else ever has and it's unconditional. You'd be blessed to uncover the same in another person. Perhaps you'd find that in a bully. Also, the parent of the bully should start to really listen and begin to listen to their child. I think they need an extra dose or doses of love. A person who loves you regardless of the bad or good is just what they may need.
So come on in my life as it's never without some drama. Learn with me, grow with me, trust in me. Keep reading and you will see me. And how I want to fulfill a lifetime's worth of dreams that I thought we long forgotten.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Loving The Mess Out of Life Continued
I am an advocate for children, for parents, people..a pioneer,a rebel (single) mama with causes; there's so much I believe in "fighting" for. My daugher has Asperger's Syndrome, was bullied most of her childhood because of it. I only utilize positivity because I've learned fighting too hard doesn't work. People say my patience is that of Job. Hmmm, wonder where that came from? I'm building an online affiliate marketing presence to give proceeds to Autism. I tweet for autism. Celebrity Apprentice, now Parenthood. I worked 25 years in the music industry doing copyright law but was then in a debilitating car accident,on the mend (praying) now I am administrator/fundraiser for The Los Angeles Black Book Expo, raising funds for autism and literacy because it's with education that we learn about life. Getting past 9 years of OMG's,sleepless nights,stress..etc. I want to tell you our story of how I believe the autism's in "remission". The book, aptly entitled, How I LOVED the MESS out of Aspergers will be self-published. Some things haven't changed, no. Pacing, talking out loud. Anxiousness. Speech issues. Her intelligence has "taught" her to control, She is a walking miracle and I'd like to share with you how I got there. Not cured, just better. I'm just saying give faith and love a shot; something has to move. It did in my family. I just hope to help another. You can e-mail me at gina@labbxcom.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Open Letter to Help Bret Michaels Get Better
Nothing to Lose (Featuring Miley Cyrus)
Dearest Bret,
My deepest heartfelt wishes for your speedy recovery; I know you are a winner, a fighter – jeez, anyone that can walk away from a brain hemorrhage and live to tell about it, is amazing and God will continue to bless you because you want to live and He knows that you will help so many people with the work you are doing. He ain't done with you yet. Both grandma's have it, one just passed recently :( , and two aunts, now possibly my uncle. I hardly have any family left. However, with all my tragedy, it only makes me want to help more, so I couldn’t help but wish there was something I could do, especially after seeing you cry on television about your situation. I know the feeling. I have a daughter with Asperger’s Syndrome as well, a son with asthma (actually they both have what's called allergic rhinitis, too and my son got meningitis at twelve) and so when I say I feel your pain, it's true. I'm not just saying it. We just don’t’ want our kids to have to deal with a “doability”. See, I try at every turn to turn the negative to a positive. That’s why I’m writing. I believe I know of something that can help your pain. It helped mine.
A while back, I was run over by my own car (’05) and dragged 45 feet down an incline (no, don’t ask, just call me Lucy like everyone else does, it would only happen to me) and the pain, oh, the pain. Not funny, by any means. I am left now with severe spine trauma. And everything was and remains swollen; knees, my back, my hands some days - anyway, I couldn’t afford to be laid up every day on pain pills and trying to take care of my daughter with Asperger’s whom I was trying to help her life, and both children have asthma and allergic rhinitis, bedwetted for years, got the flu every Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh my life.. So, how could I be sick, and at the same time be a single mom? No way. And keep fighting the good fight. Somehow I came across a product that would help me to be able to at least get out of the bed. To cook. To start to do some to the things that moms do. I couldn’t let them down. Nopolea at trivita.com. I tried it. Six ounces in the am and six in the pm. the dosage for someone who has pain like you and I did still do. All I can say is that it helped, A LoT! All I can say is that there is nothing in it that will hurt you, it’s all natural. And it may help with your diabetes because that has to do with inflammation as do most of our diseases. I know you must be thinking, this woman is crazy, I'm really not. I know of a way that could help you with your pain, as it's helped lots of others as well as raising money to help Autism. If that makes me crazy, then so be it. I believe that I want to open schools around the country for children with Autism and/or other related issues because there are none. I just thought of it last night. I also am trying to raise awareness, stop bullying and attacks (my daughter was attacked by a 2nd grader when he put his hand over baby girl with Asperger's mouth in an attempt to "shut her up" he said because she was crying and pleading with him to stop. Can you believe it. And a few days later, he brought a knife to school; the teacher found it in his backpack. Read my story at http://www.ginaration.blogspot.com (blog under bullying written May 03, 2010.
Rather than go through all the selling it to you and crap like that, go the site, you’re a smart man, make your own judgment. Research it. Look up the Nopolea plant. You’ll be intrigued. Look at all the folks it’s helped. Testimonials for days. I just know that you are I not tremendous pain and this helped me a two days! I hope it’ll do the same for you. Below is some info you'll need in order to obtain your bottle of Nopolea.
Website: http://www.trivita.com/
My ID#: 13361921
My name: Gina Ann Huckaby
God bless you, Bret. We all are looking forward to just like Speedy Gonzalez, a real quick recovery! I hear you went home from the hospital "prison" today, but this was a good visit, and trust me, I'm sure you're grateful, your family and trust me, your fans are very grateful that the hospital and doctors did what they did for you. Sometimes, I jokingly call it that because I've been there so many times with my heart arrythmia that I've had since 1996. I'd rather be at home any day. I know you were sayin', get me outta here, with a quickness! Haha, I'm glad for you! You'll be fine now. Thank God, again! We love you Bret, we know the Lord has much more work for you and perhaps it was it me for you to stay home and spend some time with your daughter God works in mysterious ways. We are all very grateful. We'll be shouting out to you on my hashtag that I made up called #celebrityapprentice4autism. My daughter and I watch tv on Sundays and I came up with this corny idea, hey why not watch Celebrity Apprentice since Holly is on the show about Autism. She said let's get out the popcorn and then the idea to live tweet about the show, facts on Autism and follow Holly. I can't believe that it has grown bigger than I even imagined and I didn't do it for no other reason except to tweet about April being Autism Awareness Month. Not that we arent' following you, we're following it all because our lives have been affected by all that you represent, including Cyndi Lauper (my brother passed away in 2000 from complications of Aids). So, see when I say that I feel your pain, I not only feel the pain of people's cry for help mentally but physically as well. Again, God bless. Hope to see you visit us on our hashtag, too!
Take care!
Gina Ann Huckaby
Dearest Bret, My deepest heartfelt wishes for your speedy recovery; I know you are a winner, a fighter – jeez, anyone that can walk away from a brain hemorrhage and live to tell about it, is amazing and God will continue to bless you because you want to live and He knows that you will help so many people with the work you are doing. He ain't done with you yet. Both grandma's have it, one just passed recently :( , and two aunts, now possibly my uncle. I hardly have any family left. However, with all my tragedy, it only makes me want to help more, so I couldn’t help but wish there was something I could do, especially after seeing you cry on television about your situation. I know the feeling. I have a daughter with Asperger’s Syndrome as well, a son with asthma (actually they both have what's called allergic rhinitis, too and my son got meningitis at twelve) and so when I say I feel your pain, it's true. I'm not just saying it. We just don’t’ want our kids to have to deal with a “doability”. See, I try at every turn to turn the negative to a positive. That’s why I’m writing. I believe I know of something that can help your pain. It helped mine.
A while back, I was run over by my own car (’05) and dragged 45 feet down an incline (no, don’t ask, just call me Lucy like everyone else does, it would only happen to me) and the pain, oh, the pain. Not funny, by any means. I am left now with severe spine trauma. And everything was and remains swollen; knees, my back, my hands some days - anyway, I couldn’t afford to be laid up every day on pain pills and trying to take care of my daughter with Asperger’s whom I was trying to help her life, and both children have asthma and allergic rhinitis, bedwetted for years, got the flu every Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh my life.. So, how could I be sick, and at the same time be a single mom? No way. And keep fighting the good fight. Somehow I came across a product that would help me to be able to at least get out of the bed. To cook. To start to do some to the things that moms do. I couldn’t let them down. Nopolea at trivita.com. I tried it. Six ounces in the am and six in the pm. the dosage for someone who has pain like you and I did still do. All I can say is that it helped, A LoT! All I can say is that there is nothing in it that will hurt you, it’s all natural. And it may help with your diabetes because that has to do with inflammation as do most of our diseases. I know you must be thinking, this woman is crazy, I'm really not. I know of a way that could help you with your pain, as it's helped lots of others as well as raising money to help Autism. If that makes me crazy, then so be it. I believe that I want to open schools around the country for children with Autism and/or other related issues because there are none. I just thought of it last night. I also am trying to raise awareness, stop bullying and attacks (my daughter was attacked by a 2nd grader when he put his hand over baby girl with Asperger's mouth in an attempt to "shut her up" he said because she was crying and pleading with him to stop. Can you believe it. And a few days later, he brought a knife to school; the teacher found it in his backpack. Read my story at http://www.ginaration.blogspot.com (blog under bullying written May 03, 2010.
Rather than go through all the selling it to you and crap like that, go the site, you’re a smart man, make your own judgment. Research it. Look up the Nopolea plant. You’ll be intrigued. Look at all the folks it’s helped. Testimonials for days. I just know that you are I not tremendous pain and this helped me a two days! I hope it’ll do the same for you. Below is some info you'll need in order to obtain your bottle of Nopolea.
Website: http://www.trivita.com/
My ID#: 13361921
My name: Gina Ann Huckaby
God bless you, Bret. We all are looking forward to just like Speedy Gonzalez, a real quick recovery! I hear you went home from the hospital "prison" today, but this was a good visit, and trust me, I'm sure you're grateful, your family and trust me, your fans are very grateful that the hospital and doctors did what they did for you. Sometimes, I jokingly call it that because I've been there so many times with my heart arrythmia that I've had since 1996. I'd rather be at home any day. I know you were sayin', get me outta here, with a quickness! Haha, I'm glad for you! You'll be fine now. Thank God, again! We love you Bret, we know the Lord has much more work for you and perhaps it was it me for you to stay home and spend some time with your daughter God works in mysterious ways. We are all very grateful. We'll be shouting out to you on my hashtag that I made up called #celebrityapprentice4autism. My daughter and I watch tv on Sundays and I came up with this corny idea, hey why not watch Celebrity Apprentice since Holly is on the show about Autism. She said let's get out the popcorn and then the idea to live tweet about the show, facts on Autism and follow Holly. I can't believe that it has grown bigger than I even imagined and I didn't do it for no other reason except to tweet about April being Autism Awareness Month. Not that we arent' following you, we're following it all because our lives have been affected by all that you represent, including Cyndi Lauper (my brother passed away in 2000 from complications of Aids). So, see when I say that I feel your pain, I not only feel the pain of people's cry for help mentally but physically as well. Again, God bless. Hope to see you visit us on our hashtag, too!
Take care!
Gina Ann Huckaby
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Bullying Is Not Nice - Ever!
This is the first part in a three part story of the three major times my daughter was bullied/attacked (one could say that she was assaulted with a deadly weapon, the deadly weapon on this occassion was a second grader. This is just one part of the story. If you think this one was bad, wait until you see the last one. I'll continue to the second one tomorrow. This is a rough draft, it's not perfected because the entire story of will be in a book. I'm just stating that Aja was bullied most of her entire childhood. And there was only so much I could do. I could not just shield her from society. I'd done that before.
The first time my baby girl (now sixteen, sorry I can't help it) was attacked, so to speak, not bullied, was when she was in the second grade. The day that it happened, I was at work and having a very busy day sitting in my office trying to concentrate on my work. However, I remember that I was thinking about her, always worried again. Then came the phone call, not unlike calls I was used to getting except this one was quite a bit more anxious sounding, coming from the principal. They said, please come to the school right away and explained in short detail that a child had just bullied her again but I could tell this was much worse. The first time, he grabbed her by her shirt collar and I'd been in meetings with the principal about that incident and we thought the situation was under control. Except, there was something about this child that worried me, he seemed pretty violent for a second grader, but the prinicipal assured me that she'd take care of talking to the parents as was the policy the first incident. I said okay with caution, even though I still wanted a meeting and told her that I didn't feel comfortable. In hindsight, it was this cavalier attitude of the principal that I'd know in the future to never allow again. Aja didn't mention that she was upset about it to much, so I went to work with caution, of course; some days I had no idea how I made it through working at my job as a paralegal/music administrator in the entertainmentindustry, worrying and my heart arrythmia, jeez, life can be hard. Sometimes the decisions we are forced to make aren't mean to hurt anyone, meaning I had to work, husband at the time, wasn't. And it was as if he didn't even exist because I was always the one at the school. That's another story...
The next day is when I got the phone call that scared me to death, the girl in the front office explained in small detail what happened; however, I had the intense need to speak to Aja who I could hear in the background crying hysterically, so I had to get to the school fast. It felt like I couldn't get there fast enough! When I arrived, my daughter was clinging to me, so upset that it took me a half an hour and me holding, hugging and kissing her to calm her down. Then, I got the full story. Between snorts and hugs, tissues and wishing that I could have a beer (not really but, I sure wish I could calm down - I felt so anxious as if any minute I was going to have to lie down myself on the little cot reserved for children), she began to tell me everything, including that this same child had been bullying her even prior to the shirt incident. She said that she was scared and didn't want to get anyone in trouble. I told her from that point on to never keep anything from me, especially something like this. No matter how small she thought it might be. And I thought that Aja and I had a pretty close relationship, we talked about everything. She knew she could talk to me, I'd always relayed that to her and always told her how much I loved her. However, remember, we're talking about a child who has Asperger's and I had not quite known that she had it. It was not until eight months later than I even knew that she had anything. I thought she was fine, aside from her quirkiness. It wasn't until one of her teachers where we'd moved to after this incident who even eluded to her having anything. And the teacher didn't think it was Asperger's, she thought she had ADHD or ADD, which turned out to be her diagnosis for a while.
Anyway, the story goes is that this day, the boy thought she kicked a sand bucket at him, let's just give him the initials, KC from this point forward which she didn't, then KC proceeded to hit her fist balled, in the stomach, pushed her against a fence and covered her nose and mouth with his hands in an attempt to shut her up from crying and pleading with him because she kept trying to tell him she didn't kick the sand bucket at him. I couldn't believe it, someone had just tried to smother my daughter, literally tried to kill her! Had it not been for the good will of another student going to get the campus aid, I really don't know if my child would have been badly injured or what. So many thoughts at that time were going through my head. I was so upset, I was holding back tears of anger I recall were burning my eyes. My throat was burning and I couldn't speak. I just could not fathom how a child could be so angry, so violent and I'd find out later, emotionless. At that point, I grabbed Aja's hand and brought my baby home, where she was safe, in her room. A second grader has just tried to literally smother my daughter!Aja was okay, she wasn't hurt, except her pride, her self-esteem. She wasn't hurt. Thank God. But, my this incident was bad, however, she seemed to bounce back from it quickly because I didn't let a minute go by without making her feel good, like taking her out to eat, playing games, that evening. And for a while after that. I also let her stay at home with her dad, who didn't work anyway, this enabled me to have time the following day to make all the arrangements to meet with the parents. I demanded that the principal get in touch with the parents and call an emergency meeting earlier that day, or else I was pulling my child out of the school. The only reason why I didn't take her out of school completely is because I asked her did she want me to take her out of but she said she liked her teacher, Ms.M. I wanted her to not feel loss at an early age, although she's already felt enough of it (go into that in my book), but I was also worried about memories of being bullied catching up with her. It was also nearing the end of the school year, so, I watched the situation closely and let her go back to school the day after we talked with the parents. My son was on alert because he went to the same school and his class was nearby, and as was her teacher, aids and the like. I had talked with them all. I was making it their responsibility should anything happen to my child. Aja seemed better; although she stuck very close to me. I made sure that I picked her up at 2:30 everyday after that and then went back to work. Thank God, again that I had a job that allowed me to do this. You can't believe the feelings of anger that I had, I didn't sleep that night. I just wanted the meeting to happen. I had these bad thoughts of anger towards this child which was quelched by my faith in God. I tried my best to be calm, but it was so hard. I just really couldn't believe the calousness of this child's actions. And when I prayed, I started to have pity on him because I realized that he must really have some serious issues.
The following day, I made arrangements with a policman friend of mine to accompany me to the emergency meeting that had been arranged with me,the parents, KC and the principal; my ex-husband wasn't at the meeting, this time because he was taking care of Aja, whom wasn't at school that day. I decided it would be too traumatic for her to be in the meeting, so like I said, she had the day off until the matter was discussed and this meeting occurred. In the meeting which actually didn't happen until the next few days because KC was suspended for three days.
On the third day, the meeting took place. Present were KC, the principal, the mother and father of KC, me and my cop friend whom I'd asked to be there to help me back me up as far as my rights were concerned as a parent. I knew what they were. I knew that if a child did something like this, KC could be arrested or put into juvenile hall. I could press charges against him and the parents. I could sue the school district for assault and battery. I took control of it because the parents acted as if their child hadn't done anything wrong, and when KC was asked why he was in the meeting and was he sorry for his actions, he answered no to both. When asked what he had done, he said nothing. It was a good thing I called that favor for my cop friend to be there, otherwise, I don't know if I could have held in my anger, my frustration, and noticing that the parents were not caring if their son anwered or not. They were so aloof until I told them that I knew what my rights were. I told them and the child in a very calm voice that I had the right to sue them and the school district as well as press charges against the child for assault and battery, with his hand being the deadly weapon. I asked my cop friend to verify this information and he said yes, it was true, that I wasn't just trying to scare them. I only did this because the parents were acting so aloof, as if they didn't care that their son hadn't admitted to doing anything wrong. I then proceeded to ask my cop friend if what I was stating was true and he verified that yes, I would be within my rights to carry out these actions, however I explained that I didn't want to do that. I wanted the child's apology and the parent's assurance that he would not bother Aja again. I wanted him suspended. The child's eyes got as big as half dollars and he finally acted like he was listening and he cared. I'll never forget the look on their faces, it was if I'd dropped a bomb on them without the explosives. It was at this point the parents told the child not to bully Aja again and he finally admitted that he was wrong. He also apologized. The parents assured met hat their child wouldn't bother Aja again, however, I still was not comfortable. I wanted the child to be expelled from going to school with Aja. The principal said that wasn't possible and I said what does it take, for someone to be killed? She gave me some lame excuse. I don't exactly recall, however she assured me that every step he'd be closely watched and monitored. I finally relinguished my quest for expellsion because my friend was in the room with me when the principal assured me that things would be fine. My friend was also campus police, so that helped the situation tremendously. He said he'd monitor the situation closely himself, personally. He did.
Well, the next day, I let Aja go to school, like I explained, Aids,teachers everyone was on alert for this child because apparently Aja wasn't the only child he has bullied in the past. He had even cursed at a teacher! Unbelievable. I couldn't believe that the child was still in school.
I went to work the next day, feeling a little better, but my peace was short lived. Aja went to school and didn't seem any worse for wear. She defintely wasn't in the state of trauma that I would see her in like she'd be in the sixth grade, when she continuously bullied for an entire school year; her graduation year - I even had to take her out of the school for two months..anyway, I'll save that story for an upcoming blog, it's the third and most truamatic..
So, as it turns out, while me and everyone else is thinking that there was going to be some peace, I got a phone call that this child was suspnded forever because he'd brought a knife to school with the intended target, my son. The knife was found in his backpack by his teacher, thank God she was really doing her job. It was the only reason why Aja and Geoffrey stayed at the school for the remainder of the year. And guess who told him to bring the knife to school? His dad! I found out he told his son to do this because he was worried that my son was going to hurt his son. I never threatened them but somehow, the child was told that my son knew about it and that he was going to beat him up. This was not the case because my son was a total nerd, got good grades and just didn't threaten people. I asked my son and he said that he did not threaten anyone but another boy named B was going around spreading rumors and he was a friend of KC's. So, that's how it got out of control. You know what I can't believe, was the sophisticated ways that these second graders acted. From KC with the way he carried out his bullying, to his parents believing his lies that he hadn't done anything at first, to his friends going around spreading rumors that my son was going to hurt him! And the dad, and I say dad because no real father would EVER tell his son to bring a knife to school in the event someone "stepped to him" he said. This felt like some play or skit but in actuality, it wasn't fake. This was real. And it involved parents and second and third graders, and if you look at instead of adults on television. This was no make believe. It was real. And I am warning all of you out there that this was eight years ago, imagine what is going on now. I could only imagine that the games are more sophisticated and it makes me wonder, is this because our lives are so twisted up with games, lying, brother against brother, families against each other and a survival of the fittest mentality at work and at home and in our neighborhoods that our children are in the middle of all of our mess? I certainly hope not but with all that goes on and all that I'm seeing lately, whaat or whom do they have to look up to? Families are being torn apart, dads not taking an active role in their children lives, leaving one woman to go to another, and the sons don't have their fathers to hang on to. If they do, they are too busy or insensitive. I have pity on a person that bullies, as they are doing it for attention. This child must have been hurting because he had a father that told him to do such a thing.
It is my warning at this juncture, that anyone who is faced with a bullying situation seek immediate help. Gather your friends, family and any support you can get. Keep a diary, tape record conversations, write down everything. Protect your child and do anything you have to that is legal of course, to keep this form going on. I thank God that the child was expelled and that they caught him from doing anything more dangerous to another person. I don't wish anything bad on anyone nor the families that have allowed their children to think it's okay or to just say oh, my child is hurting, too. That may be so, but, it doesn't give them carte blanche to hurt another human being. Parents, figure out what's missing and love that child's hurt and pain away. I have talked to so many girls who have said that they have been hurt and their moms weren't there. I can relate. My daughter's scars will always be there, just like a scar although it may heal and it's cover protects it, but the scar is still there. But, I was right there. Always there to protect her. While I agree it's okay to protect your child, I don't agree that protect them from facing the consequences of what they do if they bully or attack another child/person.
So, keep your faith, it's the only thing that kept me going and keeps me going to this day! I hope it helps you, too.
'
The first time my baby girl (now sixteen, sorry I can't help it) was attacked, so to speak, not bullied, was when she was in the second grade. The day that it happened, I was at work and having a very busy day sitting in my office trying to concentrate on my work. However, I remember that I was thinking about her, always worried again. Then came the phone call, not unlike calls I was used to getting except this one was quite a bit more anxious sounding, coming from the principal. They said, please come to the school right away and explained in short detail that a child had just bullied her again but I could tell this was much worse. The first time, he grabbed her by her shirt collar and I'd been in meetings with the principal about that incident and we thought the situation was under control. Except, there was something about this child that worried me, he seemed pretty violent for a second grader, but the prinicipal assured me that she'd take care of talking to the parents as was the policy the first incident. I said okay with caution, even though I still wanted a meeting and told her that I didn't feel comfortable. In hindsight, it was this cavalier attitude of the principal that I'd know in the future to never allow again. Aja didn't mention that she was upset about it to much, so I went to work with caution, of course; some days I had no idea how I made it through working at my job as a paralegal/music administrator in the entertainmentindustry, worrying and my heart arrythmia, jeez, life can be hard. Sometimes the decisions we are forced to make aren't mean to hurt anyone, meaning I had to work, husband at the time, wasn't. And it was as if he didn't even exist because I was always the one at the school. That's another story...
The next day is when I got the phone call that scared me to death, the girl in the front office explained in small detail what happened; however, I had the intense need to speak to Aja who I could hear in the background crying hysterically, so I had to get to the school fast. It felt like I couldn't get there fast enough! When I arrived, my daughter was clinging to me, so upset that it took me a half an hour and me holding, hugging and kissing her to calm her down. Then, I got the full story. Between snorts and hugs, tissues and wishing that I could have a beer (not really but, I sure wish I could calm down - I felt so anxious as if any minute I was going to have to lie down myself on the little cot reserved for children), she began to tell me everything, including that this same child had been bullying her even prior to the shirt incident. She said that she was scared and didn't want to get anyone in trouble. I told her from that point on to never keep anything from me, especially something like this. No matter how small she thought it might be. And I thought that Aja and I had a pretty close relationship, we talked about everything. She knew she could talk to me, I'd always relayed that to her and always told her how much I loved her. However, remember, we're talking about a child who has Asperger's and I had not quite known that she had it. It was not until eight months later than I even knew that she had anything. I thought she was fine, aside from her quirkiness. It wasn't until one of her teachers where we'd moved to after this incident who even eluded to her having anything. And the teacher didn't think it was Asperger's, she thought she had ADHD or ADD, which turned out to be her diagnosis for a while.
Anyway, the story goes is that this day, the boy thought she kicked a sand bucket at him, let's just give him the initials, KC from this point forward which she didn't, then KC proceeded to hit her fist balled, in the stomach, pushed her against a fence and covered her nose and mouth with his hands in an attempt to shut her up from crying and pleading with him because she kept trying to tell him she didn't kick the sand bucket at him. I couldn't believe it, someone had just tried to smother my daughter, literally tried to kill her! Had it not been for the good will of another student going to get the campus aid, I really don't know if my child would have been badly injured or what. So many thoughts at that time were going through my head. I was so upset, I was holding back tears of anger I recall were burning my eyes. My throat was burning and I couldn't speak. I just could not fathom how a child could be so angry, so violent and I'd find out later, emotionless. At that point, I grabbed Aja's hand and brought my baby home, where she was safe, in her room. A second grader has just tried to literally smother my daughter!Aja was okay, she wasn't hurt, except her pride, her self-esteem. She wasn't hurt. Thank God. But, my this incident was bad, however, she seemed to bounce back from it quickly because I didn't let a minute go by without making her feel good, like taking her out to eat, playing games, that evening. And for a while after that. I also let her stay at home with her dad, who didn't work anyway, this enabled me to have time the following day to make all the arrangements to meet with the parents. I demanded that the principal get in touch with the parents and call an emergency meeting earlier that day, or else I was pulling my child out of the school. The only reason why I didn't take her out of school completely is because I asked her did she want me to take her out of but she said she liked her teacher, Ms.M. I wanted her to not feel loss at an early age, although she's already felt enough of it (go into that in my book), but I was also worried about memories of being bullied catching up with her. It was also nearing the end of the school year, so, I watched the situation closely and let her go back to school the day after we talked with the parents. My son was on alert because he went to the same school and his class was nearby, and as was her teacher, aids and the like. I had talked with them all. I was making it their responsibility should anything happen to my child. Aja seemed better; although she stuck very close to me. I made sure that I picked her up at 2:30 everyday after that and then went back to work. Thank God, again that I had a job that allowed me to do this. You can't believe the feelings of anger that I had, I didn't sleep that night. I just wanted the meeting to happen. I had these bad thoughts of anger towards this child which was quelched by my faith in God. I tried my best to be calm, but it was so hard. I just really couldn't believe the calousness of this child's actions. And when I prayed, I started to have pity on him because I realized that he must really have some serious issues.
The following day, I made arrangements with a policman friend of mine to accompany me to the emergency meeting that had been arranged with me,the parents, KC and the principal; my ex-husband wasn't at the meeting, this time because he was taking care of Aja, whom wasn't at school that day. I decided it would be too traumatic for her to be in the meeting, so like I said, she had the day off until the matter was discussed and this meeting occurred. In the meeting which actually didn't happen until the next few days because KC was suspended for three days.
On the third day, the meeting took place. Present were KC, the principal, the mother and father of KC, me and my cop friend whom I'd asked to be there to help me back me up as far as my rights were concerned as a parent. I knew what they were. I knew that if a child did something like this, KC could be arrested or put into juvenile hall. I could press charges against him and the parents. I could sue the school district for assault and battery. I took control of it because the parents acted as if their child hadn't done anything wrong, and when KC was asked why he was in the meeting and was he sorry for his actions, he answered no to both. When asked what he had done, he said nothing. It was a good thing I called that favor for my cop friend to be there, otherwise, I don't know if I could have held in my anger, my frustration, and noticing that the parents were not caring if their son anwered or not. They were so aloof until I told them that I knew what my rights were. I told them and the child in a very calm voice that I had the right to sue them and the school district as well as press charges against the child for assault and battery, with his hand being the deadly weapon. I asked my cop friend to verify this information and he said yes, it was true, that I wasn't just trying to scare them. I only did this because the parents were acting so aloof, as if they didn't care that their son hadn't admitted to doing anything wrong. I then proceeded to ask my cop friend if what I was stating was true and he verified that yes, I would be within my rights to carry out these actions, however I explained that I didn't want to do that. I wanted the child's apology and the parent's assurance that he would not bother Aja again. I wanted him suspended. The child's eyes got as big as half dollars and he finally acted like he was listening and he cared. I'll never forget the look on their faces, it was if I'd dropped a bomb on them without the explosives. It was at this point the parents told the child not to bully Aja again and he finally admitted that he was wrong. He also apologized. The parents assured met hat their child wouldn't bother Aja again, however, I still was not comfortable. I wanted the child to be expelled from going to school with Aja. The principal said that wasn't possible and I said what does it take, for someone to be killed? She gave me some lame excuse. I don't exactly recall, however she assured me that every step he'd be closely watched and monitored. I finally relinguished my quest for expellsion because my friend was in the room with me when the principal assured me that things would be fine. My friend was also campus police, so that helped the situation tremendously. He said he'd monitor the situation closely himself, personally. He did.
Well, the next day, I let Aja go to school, like I explained, Aids,teachers everyone was on alert for this child because apparently Aja wasn't the only child he has bullied in the past. He had even cursed at a teacher! Unbelievable. I couldn't believe that the child was still in school.
I went to work the next day, feeling a little better, but my peace was short lived. Aja went to school and didn't seem any worse for wear. She defintely wasn't in the state of trauma that I would see her in like she'd be in the sixth grade, when she continuously bullied for an entire school year; her graduation year - I even had to take her out of the school for two months..anyway, I'll save that story for an upcoming blog, it's the third and most truamatic..
So, as it turns out, while me and everyone else is thinking that there was going to be some peace, I got a phone call that this child was suspnded forever because he'd brought a knife to school with the intended target, my son. The knife was found in his backpack by his teacher, thank God she was really doing her job. It was the only reason why Aja and Geoffrey stayed at the school for the remainder of the year. And guess who told him to bring the knife to school? His dad! I found out he told his son to do this because he was worried that my son was going to hurt his son. I never threatened them but somehow, the child was told that my son knew about it and that he was going to beat him up. This was not the case because my son was a total nerd, got good grades and just didn't threaten people. I asked my son and he said that he did not threaten anyone but another boy named B was going around spreading rumors and he was a friend of KC's. So, that's how it got out of control. You know what I can't believe, was the sophisticated ways that these second graders acted. From KC with the way he carried out his bullying, to his parents believing his lies that he hadn't done anything at first, to his friends going around spreading rumors that my son was going to hurt him! And the dad, and I say dad because no real father would EVER tell his son to bring a knife to school in the event someone "stepped to him" he said. This felt like some play or skit but in actuality, it wasn't fake. This was real. And it involved parents and second and third graders, and if you look at instead of adults on television. This was no make believe. It was real. And I am warning all of you out there that this was eight years ago, imagine what is going on now. I could only imagine that the games are more sophisticated and it makes me wonder, is this because our lives are so twisted up with games, lying, brother against brother, families against each other and a survival of the fittest mentality at work and at home and in our neighborhoods that our children are in the middle of all of our mess? I certainly hope not but with all that goes on and all that I'm seeing lately, whaat or whom do they have to look up to? Families are being torn apart, dads not taking an active role in their children lives, leaving one woman to go to another, and the sons don't have their fathers to hang on to. If they do, they are too busy or insensitive. I have pity on a person that bullies, as they are doing it for attention. This child must have been hurting because he had a father that told him to do such a thing.
It is my warning at this juncture, that anyone who is faced with a bullying situation seek immediate help. Gather your friends, family and any support you can get. Keep a diary, tape record conversations, write down everything. Protect your child and do anything you have to that is legal of course, to keep this form going on. I thank God that the child was expelled and that they caught him from doing anything more dangerous to another person. I don't wish anything bad on anyone nor the families that have allowed their children to think it's okay or to just say oh, my child is hurting, too. That may be so, but, it doesn't give them carte blanche to hurt another human being. Parents, figure out what's missing and love that child's hurt and pain away. I have talked to so many girls who have said that they have been hurt and their moms weren't there. I can relate. My daughter's scars will always be there, just like a scar although it may heal and it's cover protects it, but the scar is still there. But, I was right there. Always there to protect her. While I agree it's okay to protect your child, I don't agree that protect them from facing the consequences of what they do if they bully or attack another child/person.
So, keep your faith, it's the only thing that kept me going and keeps me going to this day! I hope it helps you, too.
'
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