You know, while I have been on this journey of re-learning, so to speak, I have found that somehow, the answers that one seeks, come along. The only thing one must remember is to be sure to be aware of your surroundings because the answers you seek come at the darnedest of times. Most of the time, I have found, they come from those who really love and care for you. I just needed to take the time to listen, be still and figure out where to find the answers. This time, it was my daughter, again.
I have been having the hardest trouble with figuring out how to approach http://www.tweet4autism.com/. I always seemed to come up with these grandiose ideas, even one with a trip to Las Vegas for ten winners! Crazy and too much. Like if I could, how would I have enough staff to handle such a venture! Where I used to work in the entertainment industry, this was easy I don't work there anymore. I'm only one person, trying to figure out my message to change the world's view of autism in a world filled with otherss that are fighting to do the same. I've been sending my ideas to various people and I hope they don't think I'm crazy, because I am (not) with all of these over-the-top, over-cooked and not well thought out ideas until one day I just said, I'm tired. In as much as I want to make sure my legacy is clear, I also have to take time to listen to the stillness sometimes. And when I did, the sleepless nights were non-existent. And the answer(s) came.
A few weeks ago, my daughter comes running up the stairs saying, mom, I hope you are sitting down, if not, you need to. I was all excited to hear her news and it was big. She said, mom, I saw so and so, the girl who bullied me in the sixth grade. In my prior story, I spoke of the girl who bullied my daughter or who was the main bully in her sixth grade graduating year. She said, but guess what mom, it wasn't (let's call her L) L. Aja, who doesn't forget a face, especially not the girl who'd bullied her for an entire year and brought along most of the sixth grade with her, couldn't believe that it wasn't L, the bully but the girl insisted she wasn't, that she was her cousin, Rebecca. Aja told me she told Rebecca about the story of how her life was made into a living daily nightmare. Well, the girl listened to Aja's story intently and my daughter said that Rebecca went to all of her friends standing nearby and told them the story. Aja walked away but since she also has a pair of the most fantastic ears ever, I think she can hear as well as Rocket, our dog, she heard this Rebecca person tell her friends the entire story. Aja told of how scared she was inside, how she cried many nights and how she wished that she didn't have to go to school with her. She said thankfully, my mom took me out of school and I spent the entire rest of the semester with my mom at home. Anyway, Aja said she could of sworn it was her bully, L but she said oh well, I guess it was her cousin. She said she really hoped it wasn't L. Her heart was beating so hard, she said but she also said, she wasn't scared this time. I told her don't worry honey, I'm right here and I hugged her and she said she was fine. I was going to call the school the next day, but it slipped my mind. I guess it was God's way for me to not follow-up as I usually do because something happened a week later....
A week later, Aja comes bounding up the stairs again as if I were seeing a re-run of the week before. She makes me laugh when she does this because it's like my seventeen year old back in third grade. I can hear and literally feel the joy in her voice because she's trying to talk so fast and run at the same time that the words barely come out! I feel so much love (yeah, I know, it's a mom thing) - okay, moving right along here. This time though, she said she was much more animated, much more excited. I said Aja, what's going on and she proceeded to tell me that that the girl that she said was her bully, actually was! The girl who said she was Rebecca lied. the cousin was really L, the bully! I almost choked on the soda I was drinking! At school that day, she asked to see Aja. She pulled her to the side and told her that she felt so bad, she said that what she did her was the stupidest thing she ever did. Aja was right (the only difference was her hair, that's why Aja wasn't exactly sure). L began to cry and Aja couldn't think of anything to do but to reach out and hug her. I said, Aja, you didn't ask her why she picked on you? She said no mom, I don't care anymore. Aja said, mom, I forgave her and told her okay, so now that this is finally over, can we be friends? Aja told me that L looked at her face and since she stopped crying, she thought that that question was appropriate. I cried because I knew that Aja was on her way to being healed and she is growing up when she said those words. I think my hand was shaking by the time she finished. I'm telling you, the tears were welling up in my eyes. I'm such a cry baby!
You see, Aja is beginning to recognize the little nuances that say I get the social cues that are so hard sometimes for autistics to comprehend/understand better. Autistics have a harder time with these things "emotions" like what to do next if someone is crying like her bully was and reading the expression on her face. And rather than just understanding, she is "feeling" the feelings that others feel. She said, mom, I felt bad for her but at the same time, I felt myself get all warm inside. I just felt like I needed to hug her. This was so huge! Aja had just turned seventeen this month as well. I'm ecstatic. Not a few months prior, her social worker said, she has the mind of an eight year old. I couldn't believe she said that! We need better social workers and I knew that Aja was way ahead of what that comment said of her. Guess why she no longer works at the school They fel the same way. Not only has Aja made one friend, she'd made two and also felt and could articulate feelings, not just acting things out. Yes, she felt awkward, but she also knew instinctively what to do. This tells me that my Aja is not only growing up but my one on one teaching is paying off. Aja made a friend the during the first week of February, during her birthday month and then she forgave an enemy, and made a new friend as well. I am in awe of her!
I learned so many lessons these past few weeks. First, that spending the time with my daughter has paid off in ways that only a mother with a daughter who has autism or another "doability" could understand. She has begun to see and "feel" things although I knew she could always feel things, she couldn't articulate them. She can now. She can also "see" what feelings mean to others, which is a difficult nuance of social behaviour for an autistic person to act out and/or speak of. After seven years of my daughter always speakingg of "being scared" to see her bully if she ever saw her, she wasn't. Aja also said she said she never wanted to see L in her life again. However, I taught my daughter what forgiveness means. Actually, I believe she has seen me forgive so many times and then talk about it, that she grasped it. I also talk about love because I tell h er daily that I love her. I do not forget. I believe that day that the day that she spoke to her bully, both love and forgiveness were present. Needless to say, I'm grateful that she is growing up and that I am not as afraid to leave her an aisle away in the grocery store. I'm not scared to leave a a couple of aisles because it's clear to me that she has listened to what I have always taught her. To listen to what her gut tells her. I told her her heart is her gut. If the feelings she feels are not good for someone, walk away. If she can't read them, be cautious. If she gets a good feeling, still be cautious but cautiously optimistic and watchful. It's clear that the things that she is being taught is paying off and I am grateful to life lessons teaching me the things I've learned. Hard earned but not unrewarded. Being a single parent, being alone a lot has taught me to be self reliant and not always being able to pick up the phone and call a friend. So, I call upon my higher power. It has paid off in more ways than one. Always listen to that still place in your heart, it doesn't matter what you're doing.
Oh, and don't always listen to psychologists. You know better than anyone else the growth of your own child. Jeez, you are probably a better one than the psychologist is! Okay, that wasn't directed at the good ones, because there are some darn good ones. I'm only speaking of ones that have spend time with your loved one and they say things only to make sure they have a job in the next few months. Don't let them tell you things that simply aren't true. Question them. Get it in writing. Don't sign anything that you believe isn't true. EVER!
So, I hope this helps you. I know this helped me. My head are in the clouds. And by the way, now I know what tweet4autism.com and tweet4atutism's message will be. It will be about tweeting about loving the bully. But most of all love yourself. Yes, perhaps you can teach your bully about love. Before it gets to far, talk to you parents and those who love you. Ask them to see about helping the person that is doing the bullying. It could be that the bully is hurting worse than the one he or she is hurting. I want our message to be about loving thy neighbor. Of course, if you see that the bully is beyond help, that's a different story (like the one who tried to assault my daughter by smothering her in the second grade). But, if there is one you see that can be helped, perhaps it's up to the parents and their children to surround that bully with love (as well as the teachers and other people that are supposed to help "love the hate" out of the bully. That's our message. That's Ginaration's message. It always has been and now, it's morphed itself to my daughter. Do you think it's possible that it will morph to others as well? I'm counting on it. And remember, the bully could be the parents. Where do you think the bully could be learning their behaviour? It could just be possible it's the from their home. It's quite possible because the parents bullied me who bullied Aja. Sad but true. At the same time, I also remembered that I always taught her the power or forgiveness.
So, I hope this message brings to some peace. More stories to come. My life is never without some drama. Trust me!
What is Ginaration? It's about me, living with single mama drama, passion Autism/bullying-daughter w/Aspergers, 17, son 18. Spiritual, mental, physical and financial growth (no one should struggle) I'd like utilizing love as my guide along the way. Doing this with laughter, too.If you are wanting to change lives as well for a greater future, join me and put on your seeking glasses. Life waits for no one. And I'm not waiting on it anymore.
Forgive To Live - Let's Love the Hurt of of the Bully or Whoever's Hurting
FORGIVE AND LOVE TO LIVE
FORGIVE AND LOVE TO LIVE
You know, while I have been on this journey of re-learning, so to speak, I have found that somehow, the answers that one seeks, come along as they may, at their own will, rather if i must say, at the Universe's will. The main lesson that I can write to you is that one must remember to be quiet enough to hear the answer when it does come. Either way, fighting and struggling to get the answers most often isn't the best way. Being still usually is. I am not saying give up but rather wait in a way that is known that you need answers, but step back and humbly seek them, with you passion kindling beneath the surface (so that you don't miss something either way). I guess I'm trying to say while being quiet, you can still be vigilant. The key is to stay calm while doing so. The answers you seek will come at the darnedest of times and it's especially true what they say, answers come when they are least expected, when you are in a state of clear minded focus, but not placing too much pressure on what it is you are seeking. During this period of yes, you may be filled with sheer plain human anxieties and stress-not wanting to wait, again be still. Most of the time, I have found, they come from those who really love and care for you. I just needed to take the time to listen, be still and figure out where to find the answers. This time, it was my daughter, again.
I have been having the hardest trouble with figuring out how to approach http://www.tweet4autism.com/. I always seemed to come up with these grandiose ideas, even one with a trip to Las Vegas for ten winners! Crazy and too much. Like if I could, how would I have enough staff to handle such a venture! Where I used to work in the entertainment industry (for almost thirty years), the task would have been was easier - I don't work there or anywhere, anymore. That's another story. Funny, by being still, I'm also finding that my writing and creative talents are coming back, part of the of the dreams I had in childhood - one was to be a writer. Anyway, back to the subect at hand, I'm only one person, trying to figure out my message across or several messages (with me, ideas come in droves) but I really just needed less confusion and one basic message that would tell people that I'm on a journey but this one was about advocating for my daughter withing this journey for myself, rekindling my spirit as well. I believe the answers were there, already waiting on me but like I said, I wasn't being still and although my guide is walking in love, to a certain extent (and here comes the honesty), I was thinking that I could do everthing, quickly. I think it's just we'd been through so much as well, that I sometimes got confused as well as even angry at times remembering the things that we done to my family. It made me lose time. Time lost can energy gained to catch up and try to do what you can with the love inside and the skills and knowledge gained along the way. I knew I wanted things to change for others and I want people to learn from what my family had been through. I'll get into that later. For now, my view of autism and bullying, in a world filled with others that are fighting to do the get their messages across, I wanted to get a good message that was as sincere and honest as one could be. I wanted to encompass that yes, while I am seeking being true to me which I have learned it will make me a better me, I also wanted to be that mom, that activist and advocate (justice for all). I had been sending my ideas to various people and I hope they don't think I'm crazy, because I am (not) with all of the over-the-top, over-cooked and not well thought out ideas until one day I just said, I'm tired. In as much as I want to make sure my legacy is clear, I was exhausted. Finally, I had to breathe. I did and sure enough, the answer came running up the stairs one day in the form of this beautiful person, my daughter.
Yes, a few weeks ago, my daughter comes running up the stairs saying, mom, I hope you are sitting down, if not, you need to. I was all excited to hear her news and it was big. She said, mom, I saw so and so, the girl who bullied me in the sixth grade. In my prior story, I spoke of the girl who bullied my daughter or who was the main bully in her sixth grade graduating year. She said, but guess what mom, the girl said my name isn't let's call her L., she said her name is Rebecca and this Rebecca person said she didn't bully Aja (my daughter) but that she was her couisin. Aja, who doesn't forget a face, especially not the girl who'd bullied her for an entire year and brought along most of the sixth grade with her while she did her reign of terrorizing, couldn't believe that it wasn't L, the bully. Aja told me she told Rebecca who we will find out a week later that she really was her bully(really L). about the story of how her life was made into a living daily nightmare. Well, "Rebecca" really the bully, listened to Aja's story intently and my daughter said that Rebecca went to all of her friends standing nearby and told them the story. Aja walked away but since she also has a pair of the most fantastic ears ever (I think she can hear as well as Rocket, our dog). Aja told of how scared she was inside, how she cried many nights and how she wished that she didn't have to go to school with her. She said thankfully, my mom took me out of school and I spent the entire rest of the semester with my mom at home. Anyway, Aja said she could of sworn it was her bully, L but she said oh well, I guess it was her cousin, and we both were tired so we went to sleep. However, in the back of my mind, I wanted to call her school, where this meeting took place. I also wondered what in the world my daughter's bully would be going to the same school as Aja. It slipped my mind and I guess that's the way the Universe wanted it. At the time, my daughter said she really hoped it was L. Her heart was beating so hard, she said but she also said, she wasn't scared this time. She said if it had been L,her bully, she would have been the same, passionate way. I told her don't worry honey, I'm right here and I hugged her and she said she was fine. I was going to call the school the next day, but like I said the all in due time...
A week later, Aja comes bounding up the stairs again as if I were seeing a re-run of the week before. She makes me laugh when she does this because it's like my seventeen year old back in third grade. I can hear and literally feel the joy in her voice because she's trying to talk so fast and run at the same time that the words barely come out! I feel so much love (yeah, I know, it's a mom thing) - okay, moving right along here. This time though, she said she was much more animated, much more excited. I said Aja, what's going on and she proceeded to tell me that that the girl that she said was her bully, actually was! The girl who said she was Rebecca lied. The supposed "cousin" was really L, the bully! I almost choked on the soda I was drinking! Aja just believed her because her hair was changed and she hadn't seen her in years, aside being in her nightmares. At school that day, L, "cousin Rebecca" really her bully, L. asked to see Aja. She pulled her to the side and told her that she felt so bad, she said that what she did her was the stupidest thing she ever did. L began to cry and Aja couldn't think of anything to do but to reach out and hug her. It's very interesting this time because Aja was not the least bit scared. She had been, but not anymore. Perhpas my daughter's gained education, self-esteem and teaching about forgiveness and love at home had paid off. I inquired, "Aja, you didn't ask her why she picked on you?" She said no mom, I don't care anymore. Aja said, mom, I forgave her and told her okay, so now that this is finally over, can we be friends? Aja told me that L looked at her face and since she stopped crying, she thought that that question was appropriate. I cried because I knew that Aja was on her way to being healed and she is growing up when she said those words. I think my hand was shaking by the time she finished. I'm telling you, the tears were welling up in my eyes. I'm such a cry baby!
You see, Aja, being autistic, is beginning to recognize the little nuances that say I get the social cues that are so hard sometimes for autistics to comprehend/understand as we say "neaurotypicals" do. Autistics have a harder time with things "emotions" like what to do next if someone is crying like her bully was and reading the expression on her face. And rather than just understanding, she is "feeling" the feelings that others feel. She said, mom, I felt bad for her but at the same time, I felt myself get all warm inside. I just felt like I needed to hug her. This was so huge! Aja had just turned seventeen this month as well. I'm ecstatic. Not a few months prior, her social worker said, she has the mind of an eight year old. I couldn't believe she said that! I knew she was wrong and so did everyone else. That social worker is no longer at the school anyway because the school requested her not to be there, I found out later. There's a back story to this, I'll explain later. We need better social workers and I knew that Aja was way ahead of what that comment said of her. Guess that's one reason why she no longer works at the school. They felt the same way. Not only has Aja made one friend, she'd made two and also felt and could articulate feelings, not just acting things out. Yes, she felt awkward, but she also knew instinctively what to do. This tells me that my Aja is not only growing up but my one on one teaching is paying off. Aja made a friend the during the first week of February, during her birthday month and then she forgave an enemy, and made a new friend as well. I am in awe of her!
I learned so many lessons these past few weeks. First, that spending the time with my daughter has paid off in ways that only a mother with a daughter who has autism or another "doability" could understand. She has begun to see and "feel" things although I knew she could always feel things, she couldn't articulate them. She can now. She can also "see" what feelings mean to others, which is a difficult nuance of social behaviour for an autistic person to act out and/or speak of. After seven years of my daughter always speakingg of "being scared" to see her bully if she ever saw her, she wasn't. Aja also said she said she never wanted to see L in her life again. However, I taught my daughter what forgiveness means as well as what a 'gut' feeling feels like. Actually, I believe she has seen me forgive so many times and then talk about it, that she is grasping it. One can not teach a child without actually doing that action or seeing the action take place, so imagine how hard it must be for a person that has autism to grasp "feelings". Another lesson, actions speak volumes louder than words! I also talk about love because I tell her daily that I love her. I do not forget. I believe that day that the day that she spoke to her bully, both love and forgiveness were present. Needless to say, I'm grateful that she is growing up and that I am not as afraid to leave her an aisle away in the grocery store. I'm not scared to leave a couple of aisles because it's clear to me that she has listened to what I have always taught her. She's almost eighteen. College is around the corner! When she's away from me, I tell her to listen to what her gut tells her. I told her her heart is her gut. If the feelings she feels are not good for someone, walk away. Or keep her distance. If she can't "read" them, be cautious. If she gets a good feeling, still be cautious but cautiously optimistic and watchful. If it's clear cut danger, like the time we were over a friends home having Thanksgiving Dinner and a man walked in and immediately the hairs on the back of my neck rose. As quickly as I felt those feelings, apparently so did Aja. She came quickly to me (this was around age twelve) and said to me, mom, I felt as if that man was going to eat me (meaning hurt her - back then her speech was much more animated, she spoke to me many times in terms of how animals would if they could speak to their children). It's clear that the things that she is being taught is paying off and it was then, too. I am grateful to life lessons teaching me the things I've learned. Hard earned but not unrewarded. Being a single parent, being alone a lot has taught me to be self reliant and not always being able to pick up the phone and call a friend. So, I call upon my higher power. It has paid off in more ways than one. Always listen to that still place in your heart, it doesn't matter what you're doing.
So, I hope this helps you. I know this helped me. My head is now not in the clouds. My dreams are, though. I will always be a dreamer. A thinker. A creator. I'm made in the likeness of all that surrounds me. I'm like you and you are like me. We are human and are capable to so much.
And so by my daughter forgiving her bully, I am not directed to say that bullying can only be fully cured by love. It's how you forgive yourself for being angry at the bully and the bully being angry at you! The earlier you do this, the earlier the bully can possibly go on and be a cooperative member of society. I wonder how long that Aja's bully felt shameful. Guilty. That time could have been saved had perhaps me or someone else come along earlier and said, hey, are you okay? I recall that I did try that once (I asked the father could I speak to his daughter and he did give me permission, however, when I said that in a meeting, he siad he didn't give me that permission). I grew up with the father of the daughter that bullied my Aja Face). Anyway, that's over now. We are on our way to being healed and I have my answer on how to to move forward in my journey to keep my promises. And by the way, now I know what tweet4autism.com and tweet4autism's message will be. It will begin with trying to educate others on the power of forgiveness. This message will be my platform when it comes to this particular cause. I know my direction now. Yes, perhaps you can teach your bully about love. Before it gets to far, talk to your parents (if your are someone younger reading this) but parents and caregivers, try to forgive your child's bully. And the parent and others who are against against you (in my case, they really were). Ask them to see about helping the person that is doing the bullying. Seek out ally's to intevene who this child is doing this to in order to be able to intervene sooner. Be observant, but still. If you are person being bullied, you have to reach out to someone to help you. I know it's scary. But be strong and the Universe will help you do the rest. You can't do anything alone, really. Well, anything that that hs to do with a bully. You need help. We as a community needs to help the bully so we can help to hydrate their souls to become and be who they wish to be and not be hampered by evilness and having poor self-esteem because they feel if they don't go along with the other bullies, they will be bullied. One is strong if they can stand against the tide and hold firm without the weight of the water knockign them down. However, you need the power of love and the help of others to make this possible. It could be that the bully is hurting worse than the one he or she is hurting. I want our message to be about loving thy neighbor. Of course, if you see that the bully is beyond help, that's a different story (like the one who tried to assault my daughter by smothering her in the second grade). But, if there is one you see that can be helped, perhaps it's up to the parents and their children to surround that bully with love (as well as the teachers and other people that are supposed to help "love the hate" out of the bully. That's our message. That's Ginaration's message. It always has been and now, it's morphed itself to my daughter. Do you think it's possible that it will morph to others as well? I'm counting on it. And remember, the bully could be the parents. Where do you think the bully could be learning their behaviour? It could just be possible it's the from their home. It's quite possible because the parents bullied me of the child who bullied Aja. Sad but true.
The major lesson in all of this is that like I said, I learned even more so to remember to be still and remember that love is my guide, always. I want my message to be clear, I also want others to know how I arrived there. Now I know that my message will be to forgive to live. It's in the forgiving of others, that we let go and learn to live. We let go of the anger, the fear, of everything that holds us back from realizing our dreams. one of my dreams is to change the world of autism, for others to begin to see them for the true beautiful beings that they are. The wonderful gifts they have to give, just like everyone else. We live in this world with a big, beautiful planet and there's room in it for lots of people! There's enough room for many people to live on this planet with us, together, in peace. If we want to call them different, we should look at ourselves. We all have differences, it doesn't mean that we can't give to society. You know, the bully and the autistic can kind of be the same. People look at them as being a certain way, both of them. But if you uncover what is really lurking underneath, you just may uncover that the person needs love just like we all do. And by giving that back to them, it may just change their world. That is what tweet4autism is all about. We want to get the message out to forgive the bully. Look at the autistic with eyes of love. You may be surprised what you may see. I personally, have seen so much love in one child, that things will never be the same (for the better). If she's different, so what. It's okay. She gives me more love than anyone else ever has and it's unconditional. You'd be blessed to uncover the same in another person. Perhaps you'd find that in a bully. Also, the parent of the bully should start to really listen and begin to listen to their child. I think they need an extra dose or doses of love. A person who loves you regardless of the bad or good is just what they may need.
So come on in my life as it's never without some drama. Learn with me, grow with me, trust in me. Keep reading and you will see me. And how I want to fulfill a lifetime's worth of dreams that I thought we long forgotten.
1 comment:
I'd love to! Thank you for the invitation.
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